Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Pants are for mortals
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
