Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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