Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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