At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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