Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
