Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
