belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
you would pick up someone in the library
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Your penis caused this!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
