Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
PANTIES FOUND
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
