just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
