Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
