what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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