she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
