i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Pooping to opera.
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