would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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