I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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