you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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