I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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