Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
