I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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