He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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