the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
