I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
