How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
