then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
if only i could text you this smell
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
