Do you still have your period?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
