I think i peed on brittanys purse
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
