all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize