Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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