I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
did i just pee glitter
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.