Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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