My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize