I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
