Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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