yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
