She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
