My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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