Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
