I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
