So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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