Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
