if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
