your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
