if i can run in heels then i can drive
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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