I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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