I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
