...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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