I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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