escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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