I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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