I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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