I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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