think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
