My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
