I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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