you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
