he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I cut my penus on the lid.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
