i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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