I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
