and she was petting her beer can
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
