I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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