I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
